Dharmafrog

One of Our Worst Days

December 12, 2007.

Just after midnight.

James comes screaming into our room, “IT’S BRYCE! HE’S HAVING A SEIZURE!”
I don’t remember getting to Bryce’s room.
The way he was foaming at the mouth and how his eyes were dilated and fixed to the right, will forever be seared into my brain. His five year old body stiff, rigid and shaking. He was still breathing. Thank God he was still breathing.
James called 911. The second time for our boys.
James went to the road to wait for the ambulance. It was snowing and freezing, but there he stood, praying.
I held Bryce in my arms, demanding that he come back to me. He’s always been the heart of us, always there with a cuddle. I told him to fight it, that we needed him.
He started to growl and move his eyes, and I yelled. “THAT’S IT BABY!”
Minutes passed, but they were awful minutes.
Bryce’s eyes went back to the right. I yelled again. “STAY WITH ME! BB!”
His eyes moved again. I knew he could hear me.
Bryce moved his arms toward me, they were still stiff but he was getting back control. He was fighting.
30 seconds later I heard the greatest word of all time!
“Mom” a soft sound but it was there. My heart started to beat again.
“It’s ok baby, I’m here!”
His body started to relax and his eyes were moving normally. He seemed tired and cold but he was back!
The paramedics were suddenly at my side, saying something.
I looked up. Bryce’s Batman room was filled with scared faces.
“He’s back, he reached for me, he’s back”
I gave details as I stood up “eyes fixed and dilated…foaming…no fever…” and then ran out of the room.
I grabbed clothes and shoes.
I saw my Liam standing at Cameron’s crib talking softly and trying to console him.
Outside in the snow James kissed me.
The snow was coming down harder, it took a long time to get to the hospital.
When we pulled up I jumped out and ran around the back to see Bryce’s face, his sweet beautiful face. He was holding his puppy and wrapped in his Batman blanket. He saw me and smiled. I took a breath. I fought the tears as they rolled him inside.

We had to stay for observation and cat scan in the morning.
They gave Bryce crayons, stickers and paper, he was happy. I still couldn’t get a full breath without tears.
Blood test revealed that BB has veins of steel. I tried to kiss away the pain.
Finally he was tired and I tried to sleep in the chair. I waited till I thought he was asleep and then snuck into the bed with him. He put his arm over me and said “I love you” I thanked God for him.
A few hours later they woke us up and we went for the cat scan. It took about 30 minutes to get the results back. The doctor came in and pulled up a chair. I knew by the look on her face that they saw something on the scans. She said that they found an “abnormality” that showed one side of his brain looked differently than the other side. Both sides “should” look the same. Possible scenarios were that he either had epilepsy or a tumor…
Bryce needed an MRI to get a better view of his brain. That day.
My mother in law came to the rescue and took us 45 minutes to a larger hospital in Coeur D’ Alene.
Bryce had his puppy and listened to Christmas music in the MRI machine, while I secretly and quietly as I could cried holding his feet, praying that the little baby I spent 9 months 1 week and 9 hours bringing into this world would not be taken from me.
After an hour we were sitting in blue chairs waiting for a phone call. A phone call from the doctor in Bonners Ferry, that would tell me my son’s and my family’s future.
Another hour of waiting the call came and all the nurses had the “poor lady” look on their faces. I was told that some times people’s brain hemispheres do not match and that Bryce’s is completely normal. Epilepsy could still be the cause of the seizure, but that it could be controlled with medication and he could live a happy normal life.
I knew everything would be perfect! With or without epilepsy, we would remain a whole family.
As I turned from the phone all I could do was smile. I saw Bryce playing with a train on the floor and my mother in law waiting for my answer. I told her that there was no tumor and that Bryce was going to be ok. She jumped up and hugged me so tight that I lost it and the tears just poured from my face.
In the car I called James and he had the saddest voice I have ever heard. I told him the news and he was very quiet. I asked if he was ok and I heard him softly cry. He had been a mess this whole time, not knowing if Bryce was coming home. Liam had stepped up and taken care of Cameron and kept James consoled as much as he could. Liam showed real courage and responsibility that day.
I couldn’t wait to get home and get all of my guys together and hold them tight and kiss their sweet faces.

After the first of the year Bryce had an EEG that measures brain waves. It also came back completely clear. No epilepsy. A fluke seizure.

To this day I can’t go to sleep until after midnight, making sure that my whole life is sleeping peacefully in their beds, and that their angels will watch over them while I sleep.